Wednesday, November 16, 2011

A New Wife

The party is over, the lights are out, honeymoon’s done, we have returned back to work, the well-wishers have stopped calling, the “Marriage” has just begun, and I am becoming  more aware of this new reality .

I came in with expectations, so  specific that I could rattle them off if you woke me up from sleep. Everything from the daily management of the home to the five year projection of our marriage, I had it all planned out in my head. We talked about it, we agreed on it, we had a plan, or so I thought.
I longed for the “ideal” home they talked about at the numerous marriage seminars I attended before the wedding. The kind I saw growing up where there is mutual understanding, daily devotion and study of the bible, most of all a commitment to make the marriage successful. I thought I was working towards that kind of marriage. I was a believer in “full disclosure” regarding finances, and everything that could impact the other person. We disclosed everything! Left no stone unturned. We prayed. We did everything we thought was right. I thought we had started off on the right foot to make this union successful.
Four months down the line, I realize that a lot of adjustment is needed. The biggest challenge and one I am still grappling with is the idea of “the two becoming one”.  
·         How do I become one with someone who is so liberal financially and in other areas as well? I am super conservative.
·         How do I become one with someone who I feel is not as committed to making this marriage successful?
Recently I started asking myself why I got married. I wanted an amiable fellow to wade through the trials and triumphs of life together. Someone who I could laugh with, bare out my heart to, cry with, make loads of money with, positively impact the lives of people around us with, someone who I was confident in, who was smart enough to navigate this world with, who shared similar values and beliefs.  Most of all, someone who was committed to what we share – This was the bedrock for me.
I thought I was getting this and much more… recent events make me question this. I am holding out hope though that it's just the rough first phase.  This begs me to ask, what was the first couple months of marriage like for you?


Destiny - Yankeenaijachick + Success said...

You are not alone in this post, a lot of women including myself went through this phase. Mine might be a little different knowing I didn't do a white wedding just the court marriage. We both used to live with our parents prior before Texas. He got a job in Texas and we both moved this year.

I would say the first phase or year of marriage is the hardest according to most women and my mother said the same.

As of July 2011, it would be be 4-5 months living with my hubby and I won't say it has been very easy knowing we are both two different individuals living together for the first time, he likes certain things done different and I prefer mine in a different way too. It was like we clashed at first and we were learning how to make things work that both parties would be happy. 2 months down the lane, it got better, we were working better as a team and I realized when he's happy am happier, when am happy, he's happy.

The best thing I am learning everyday is that it takes two to make it work. Prayer is the first key in any marriage, the next phase is learning to compromise.

It gets easier so they say. Don't let go now or question your marriage, I can imagine how you feel. It's going to be alright once you both learn to give and take.

Unveilinggold said...

First time here via Destiny's blog..Like Destiny mentioned, prayer is key, it will give you strength.Also communication is very important, discuss what is bordering you..All the best

Unveilinggold said...

Just to encourage you..

Cake and Socks said...

Thank you for your comments, and encouragements.