The party is over, the lights are out, honeymoon’s done, we have returned back to work, the well-wishers have stopped calling, the “Marriage” has just begun, and I am becoming more aware of this new reality .
I came in with expectations, so specific that I could rattle them off if you woke me up from sleep. Everything from the daily management of the home to the five year projection of our marriage, I had it all planned out in my head. We talked about it, we agreed on it, we had a plan, or so I thought.
I longed for the “ideal” home they talked about at the numerous marriage seminars I attended before the wedding. The kind I saw growing up where there is mutual understanding, daily devotion and study of the bible, most of all a commitment to make the marriage successful. I thought I was working towards that kind of marriage. I was a believer in “full disclosure” regarding finances, and everything that could impact the other person. We disclosed everything! Left no stone unturned. We prayed. We did everything we thought was right. I thought we had started off on the right foot to make this union successful.
Four months down the line, I realize that a lot of adjustment is needed. The biggest challenge and one I am still grappling with is the idea of “the two becoming one”.
· How do I become one with someone who is so liberal financially and in other areas as well? I am super conservative.
· How do I become one with someone who I feel is not as committed to making this marriage successful?
Recently I started asking myself why I got married. I wanted an amiable fellow to wade through the trials and triumphs of life together. Someone who I could laugh with, bare out my heart to, cry with, make loads of money with, positively impact the lives of people around us with, someone who I was confident in, who was smart enough to navigate this world with, who shared similar values and beliefs. Most of all, someone who was committed to what we share – This was the bedrock for me.
I thought I was getting this and much more… recent events make me question this. I am holding out hope though that it's just the rough first phase. This begs me to ask, what was the first couple months of marriage like for you?