Thursday, July 5, 2012

Letting Go!

Deciding to let go felt good, working actively to get there felt even better. These past days, since the post on anger, I have made a concerted effort to handle anger in better and more constructive ways. Now instead of screaming, shouting, crying and feeling sorry for myself, I encourage myself, reminding me that I am in control of the situation not the other way around.  It is empowering to be able to take control of your emotions like that.

I see myself now as a somewhat different person. I still struggle from time to time though. The other day I was wondering, did life just hand me bad apples or did I make my apples go bad? I had to fight the urge to fall into another episode of “self pity”, thankfully I won that fight.  
As the first year of marriage gradually approaches for me, I have had a chance to reflect on myself and the reasons why the first year for me was such a pain. Hopefully this may help someone.

Communication!


Communication was the major cause of problems for me. The Hubby (TH) and I talked about many things prior to the marriage. In fact I believed we had it all figured out… how wrong I was!!  You see based on my background and environment, I expected that TH will “naturally assume” certain responsibilities such as taking care of my car, taking out the trash on trash day, vacuuming,  gardening, taking the lead in family devotion, and in many other areas. I prepared myself to cook, wash the bathrooms, dust, and “help” hubby out in other areas for the rest of my life.
I executed my “roles” to the best of my ability, but could not understand why he would not lift a finger.  We fought about it so many times until I realized that I had expectations that I did not discuss with him, and he probably had some too that I had fallen short of because he did not discuss it with me.
Our communication is still work in progress, I try to bare out my heart to him even though sometimes he says things that really hurt based on what I have told him. Time will tell whether this “Tell All” method is sustainable, but for now it makes me feel very honest and upright (like I have clean hands, no hidden agenda, nothing to be afraid of).
It helps to talk to your spouse about everything. After all isn’t marriage for companionship? Wouldn’t the friendship be more intimate if no one held back?

**Pictures are courtesy:

http://cdn.madamenoire.com

2 comments:

sugarspring said...

yes, communication is a great asset to a wonderful relationship and just even saying your mind even when it might not do much helps you feel relieved sort of
i'm glad you're getting through it. stay blessed

Destiny - Yankeenaijachick + Success said...

Marriage is the first year is the hardest, I know everyone says communication but men are wired to think and reason different. Maybe after making his favorite food, sit him down and tell him that he's not helping with the chores and you are getting tired of doing it all alone.

I truly home he reasons with you, it is really not easy to do it all. Sometimes we women need a helping hand.