I can't get enough of this song

Thankful

Frequently, I take so many things for granted. The gift of waking up, the gift of a job, the gift of a working relationship, and so many other things. These past couple days, I have been reflecting on how blessed and fortunate I am. Today I want to share some of those things with you.

I am thankful for:

1.     Salvation and the gift of knowing God

2.     Grace and Mercy that are responsible for where and who I am today

3.     Life

4.     Good health

5.     My marriage that is getting better each day

6.     My spouse - who now seems to be more interested in the marriage, and goes out of his way to do special things for me

7.     My parents

8.     My siblings

9.     The gift of loving and being loved

10.  My job

11.  For a beautiful and comfortable home

12.  The ability to enjoy and appreciate food without restriction

13.  The gift of protection

14.  Good friends

15.  My 10 followers

a.     Destiny who makes it a point of duty to comment always

b.    Eya, whose unfortunate high heel incident makes me smile everytime i remember it! (Sorry Eya)

c.     Knot Chocolate

d.    Sugarspring

e.     DobbysSignature

f.     Steve

g.    UVG

h.     Daliboom

i.      Highlyfavored

j.      DaughterOfherKing

16.  The internet

17.  The good car that takes me to and from work every day

18.  Peace and happiness

Are there some things you think of that make you whisper “Thank you Lord”? Please share.

Sandy and Friends

Flooded basement, Sandy screaming angrily and threatening to destroy everything in sight,  Emergency trip to Home Depot to get a wet/dry vac, Fruitless effort  to get basement help....

All i can do now is watch MZFM movies on youtube, and shop Online. 

I am thankful that: 

1. The damage is not as bad as it could have been
2. We still have power
3. The roof is still intact and i have a place to sleep tonight.

How are you coping? I hope a lot better than me. Please stay safe.

Nail Polish + Egusi Soup

I am in this rather interesting nail polish phase. Blame Destiny! I do not consider myself a fashionista, but I can be stylish sometimes. These days I visit Marshalls with high expectations of finding steals and deals on polishes. I recently discovered Essie and boy do I love the colors!

 Essie

OPI

 Nicole by OPI

 Revlon

 Essie - This greyish-brownish - almost-like-clay-soil is my fav so far!!!

 Essie

 Nicole by OPI

 Essie


 This weekend I made Egusi soup with spinach and bitter-leaf. Have you tried that combination? I enjoyed it, and will continue making my Egusi that way. The only problem with this batch was that I mistakenly used too much oil. Next time I will use less oil.   Just in case you are wondering, I do not use palm-oil. The palm-oil here tastes very funny and foreign to me. I use lots of red bell peppers for color and canola or peanut or vegetable oil.

 

I just completed “Gone for Good” by Harlan Coben.

 

Next in line is the shades of gray trilogy, and “Gone Girl” by Gillian Flynn. What are you reading?

Happy Labor Day + Italian Leather Bags + What i have been up to = Picture Overload!!

Happy September and Happy Labor day in advance!!! I have missed you, and thank you for visiting. So i have been up to so much. First off was our first year wedding anniversary which i will blog about in detail later. Hubby and i attended the artscape festival in Baltimore couple weeks ago, and saw many interesting things. Below are some pictures.

 Monster story acted on stage. So entertaining!

 Man walking and jumping on glass.

 I think it was $1 for two jumps

 This sculpture could open and close its eyes. The eyes where made of mirrors so you could see your reflection. Creepy!

So many people watching a live performance.

 With this bicycle smoothie maker, the cycler had to pedal to blend the smoothie

 All kinds of jamajanticks called "art"

 Chair and container for tips for performers

 Performers

My girl Havilah just started her business, she has shared some pictures of her goods.  Call her to place an order directly, or visit her Ebay store.

What are you doing this labor day? 

Letting Go!

Deciding to let go felt good, working actively to get there felt even better. These past days, since the post on anger, I have made a concerted effort to handle anger in better and more constructive ways. Now instead of screaming, shouting, crying and feeling sorry for myself, I encourage myself, reminding me that I am in control of the situation not the other way around.  It is empowering to be able to take control of your emotions like that.

I see myself now as a somewhat different person. I still struggle from time to time though. The other day I was wondering, did life just hand me bad apples or did I make my apples go bad? I had to fight the urge to fall into another episode of “self pity”, thankfully I won that fight.  

As the first year of marriage gradually approaches for me, I have had a chance to reflect on myself and the reasons why the first year for me was such a pain. Hopefully this may help someone.

Communication!

Communication was the major cause of problems for me. The Hubby (TH) and I talked about many things prior to the marriage. In fact I believed we had it all figured out… how wrong I was!!  You see based on my background and environment, I expected that TH will “naturally assume” certain responsibilities such as taking care of my car, taking out the trash on trash day, vacuuming,  gardening, taking the lead in family devotion, and in many other areas. I prepared myself to cook, wash the bathrooms, dust, and “help” hubby out in other areas for the rest of my life.

I executed my “roles” to the best of my ability, but could not understand why he would not lift a finger.  We fought about it so many times until I realized that I had expectations that I did not discuss with him, and he probably had some too that I had fallen short of because he did not discuss it with me.

Our communication is still work in progress, I try to bare out my heart to him even though sometimes he says things that really hurt based on what I have told him. Time will tell whether this “Tell All” method is sustainable, but for now it makes me feel very honest and upright (like I have clean hands, no hidden agenda, nothing to be afraid of).

It helps to talk to your spouse about everything. After all isn’t marriage for companionship? Wouldn’t the friendship be more intimate if no one held back?

**Pictures are courtesy:

http://soulhiker.com

http://cdn.madamenoire.com

Anger and Forgiveness

Yesterday I read this article by Harriet Brown, and was moved. 

Like Harriet, I have been angry for a while, and didn’t know what to do to get my joy back. I tried talking to the husband about it, but we always ended up in a huge brawl. I talked to my mum about it, she advised to ask for the “fruits of the spirit”. The church echoed the same thing.

This article really helped me.  I now see things in a different perspective.  I am a lover of Christ, a bible believer, I believe God answers prayers, BUT in the case of anger and forgiveness, I now realize that praying for the hurt to “disappear” is foolish, ignoring the pain is harmful.  I have to embrace the hurt, and CHOOSE my response to it.

In the article, the following stood out for me:

1.       “Forgiveness is at heart a choice, one that any of us can make at any time, no matter the "content" we're wrestling with.”

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2.       “Forgiveness doesn't mean rationalizing or condoning abuse. And forgiveness doesn't mean a sudden case of amnesia.”

3.       "Forgiving enabled me to realize I could create my own path," she says. "I wasn't just plopped down on this cruddy path I had to walk the rest of my life. I was in control."

4.        “Forgiveness, I begin to see, is not about pretending you don't feel angry or hurt. It's about responding out of kindness rather than rage. It's about letting yourself feel the full spectrum of emotions—grief and anger and hurt, but also kindness and compassion. Even toward someone who's hurt you deeply.”

5.       "Forgiveness is giving up the hope that things will turn out other than they did. Is there any place in your inner life where you can't accept that things happened as they did?”

Today I admit that I have been angry and bitter for a long time. Angry at:

1.       Myself for spending so much time “waiting to be married” after dating the same guy for 7 yrs,

2.       Myself for embracing the notion that a woman is incomplete without a man,

3.       Myself for being caught in the deceptive cultural web of marriage being the next step in a woman’s life after college education,

4.       Myself for not being courageous enough to break the relationship long before it got to this point,

5.       Myself for allowing me to be so consumed by a bad relationship, unmet expectations, and all that come with it,

6.       The society (Nigerians especially, including me) for making unmarried women feel like they are defective,

7.       Myself for expecting so much from marriage (such as being loved, taken care of, e.t.c) thus being incapable of accepting the unpleasant reality,

8.       Myself for compromising in areas I should never have,

9.       Myself for spending so much time being  angry,

10.   The church for not offering practical help to issues like this, rather asking me to pray so the spirit of anger is “taken away”.

I am happy:

1.       To have found this article,

2.       To learn that it’s not just me, many people experience this raw emotion called anger,

3.       To learn that the fact that this anger has not “disappeared” after all the prayers and deliverance sessions, does not mean I am severely “possessed” by the devil,

4.       To feel hopeful again,

5.       To learn that is ok to be angry (does NOT mean it’s ok to do evil just because I am angry), it’s okay to grieve, it’s ok to cry, it’s ok not to have forgotten events of the past,

6.       To learn that forgiveness is about MY RESPONSE to things that hurt.  I am in charge here.

I am very hopeful. I feel like I have taken a first step in the right direction. This is the best article I have read in a long time!! Thank you Oprah! Thank you Harriet!

Barbie's naija trad wedding...

I loved this! http://photographybyobi.co.uk/wedding/black-barbie-kens-nigerian-traditional-wedding/

Temitayo Inspires!

Today Temitayo is implores us to give the gift of information in honor of her upcoming birthday. Please visit to learn more about this project.

Happy Birthday  in advance Temitayo! You are an inspiration!

Blondie Cupcakes

I love chocolate!  As much as I hate to admit, chocolate makes me happy and alleviates emotional pain.  Chocolate is a staple in my pantry, a necessity in my bedroom – for those nights I wake up sad, and a faithful companion in my purse – for summer weddings.  It has to be dark chocolate though! 70% or>. Everything else is adulterated in my opinion.

After a lovely chore filled day, I made these Blondie cupcakes to reward myself, using dark chocolate instead of toffee. No I did not consume them all by myself!